Loves carol
by LeontillyBalambgirl
Summary: inspired by a christmas carol.After a fight with Rinoa on christmas eve squall is visited by the 3 ghosts of christmas to show him the consequences of always hiding his feelings.Will he learn that love cant be taken for granted?will he learn in time?
1. the spirit

**Disclaimer; I don't own ff8, or scrooge/a Christmas carol, which this is kind of based on. it is by Charles dickens**

**A/n: well this is an idea I kind of had for a weird Christmas story, I was inspired by a Christmas carol, cept this is about Squall and maybe a lil odd and focuses more on his relationship than the fact he is mean., but anyway the concept is the same-ish.**

**Well I'll post the first chapter and see what people think. The chapters will be short and there'll be a few coz its kind of a mini version. but I hope people will enjoy.. Thanks guys xx**

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Squall sat in his office as the clock chimed midnight. He could barely even keep his eyes open. He knew he shouldn't be here. It was Christmas eve. He was supposed to be taking out his girlfriend Rinoa, he had promised her he would, but once again work had got in the way and he had blown her off. He seemed to do that a lot lately. He had constantly been pushing her away since they'd been together. He didn't really know why though. Part of him desperately wanted to be with her but part of him was still holding back, still afraid to let her in. He knew that it had been long enough for them to take the next step, but he just couldn't. But this time, it was worse than ever.

Squall glanced around his office. You could hardly even tell it was Christmas, no decorations, no nothing. Just blank and boring. Squall was not the Christmas spirit type. Rinoa and Selphie had offered to decorate his office for him, but he had refused. That hadn't really made Rinoa very happy and it had caused another fight. It seemed they fought a lot lately, over little things. Rinoa would constantly say that Squall worked too much, never made time for her and Squall would always just tell her to stop moaning and accept that he had to work. Usually She'd end up crying and he'd end up feeling guilty but being too stubborn to apologise.

Tonight had been no different, it had just been worst …..

Rinoa had knocked on his door around 8 pm

"Ready" she asked "We need to leave soon"

"Huh?" Squall had said

"we're supposed to be going out remember"

"Yeh. God, Rinoa I'm sorry I don't think I can make it. I have to work"

"you always have to work" Rinoa had said, tears starting to form "it's Christmas. Cant you take a night off?'

"No. I'm sorry"

" Look Squall, I don't think that I am what you want"

"What?"

"I think you love your job more than you love me and I don't think I can handle that.."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I think, I think we need time"

"What?"

"Can you honestly tell me Squall that you value me as much as you do your job. Do you really love me Squall?"

"You…you cant just ask me that!"

"Well I guess that's my answer" Rinoa had said before running off down the hall.

Squall shuddered as he thought back to that moment. How had he let there relationship get to that state. Why hadn't he just left the work? Why couldn't he ever do was right? Why could he never say how he felt?

He loved Rinoa, he had just never told her that.

'_this is hell' _Squall thought to himself _'but I cant tell her how I feel now, I cant. I'll tell her and she still will want time. If she doesn't want me, then she cant know how much I want her.' _

Squall felt his eyes closing and fought to keep them open.

'_This has been such a long night' _he thought to himself as he felt himself slip into a gentle sleep…..

A few minutes later Squall was awoken by a sudden icy chill in the room. He glanced at the clock. 12:13. He'd only been asleep 10 minutes. Rubbing his eyes he noticed the office door was now open, which he guessed was the reason for the sudden cold wind. Getting up, he walked across the office and slammed the door closed.

He turned round to go back to his desk and nearly had a heart attack.

There was a floaty outline of a woman there, a spirit surrounded by a wispy blue fog.

Squall blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes. But the spirit remained there.

"I must be asleep " Squall said to himself

"Nope, you're awake" said the soft voice of the spirit

"No, I'm asleep. I'm dreaming" Squall told himself

Suddenly the form of the spirit became more clear, the outline and features more defined. Squall, although he had only seen the person in photos, recognised who it was instantly.

"M-mom?" he said in shock. Laguna, his father, had showed him various photos of Raine and Squall could swear this spirit as her.

"I am glad you recognise me" the spirit said "my, how you've grown"

"I am so dreaming" Squall said

"No, trust me I am real. I am here to give you a message" Raine said.

Squall just stared at the spirit in amazement. Surely this could not be real. The spirit of his dead mother, giving him a message. He knew he had to be dreaming.

"You can not carry on this way Squall" Raine said. Her voice was like a whisper, it was haunting.

Squall didn't say anything. He was in too much shock.

"You are pushing her away, you are pushing everyone away. You can not carry on doing this, it will not end well Squall. You have the chance to live, and to love yet you do neither. Being cold, keeping people away doesn't make you strong, and it doesn't protect you from hurt, it just hurts others."

"this is ridiculous" Squall sighed "this is a dream, I'm being told how to live in a dream"

"You will see, the error of your ways my son. I will show you"

"What error? What is this?"

"You will be visited by 3 ghosts. But do not be afraid, they mean no harm. They simply will show you what is wrong, what you lack. You will be visited by the ghost of past, present and future at 1, 2, and the 3 in the morning. Perhaps by dawn, you will know what the error of your ways is , and perhaps it will not be too late to change."

"I don't understand any of this"

"you will." Raine said before her outlines began to blur again and she disappeared

Squall sat down at his desk, completely numb. What was this. If it was a dream why couldn't he wake up?

Suddenly Squall felt something change and he was sitting at his desk, his head laid on it.

So it had all been a dream

"Thank god" Squall said to himself "That was horrible"

Suddenly the clock chimed again. It was 1 o clock.

Suddenly another cool breeze swept through the room and pieces of paper blew everywhere. There was a strange glow in the room, which seemed to dance around in the air. Eventually the glowing orbs formed together and formed the outline of a young girl. She was about 12 and wearing rags, with tangled brown hair cascading down her shoulders.

"What the hell?" Squall cried jumping up from his desk

"Do not be afraid. I am here to help. I am the ghost of Christmas past"……

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**Well there we go. I hope people enjoyed that a lil. Well the basic plan is each ghost/vision will be a chapter then there'll be a conclusion. Well there will be if people like it and review, if no one likes it I wont carry on. But anyone who reviews gets Christmas cookies. Thanks guys xxx**


	2. the ghost of christmas past

**Disclaimer: don't own ff8. Or a Christmas carol which this is based on. Or Christmas, i dont own christmas.**

**A/N: yes, still balambgirl, just with an added leontilly hehehe! well I know I updated this kind of quick, but I want to make sure its done before Christmas. In this chapter flashbacks/visions are in _italics._ Am happy some people liked this, and okay as promised thanks and Christmas cookies to Zellycat, crazy turkey, lilnaych, sion0083,draven nightly, r, RinNoMiko ,cerulean crystal, sayuri 21 and the fluff. Thanks for the support you guys! And its time for the ghost of Christmas past………**

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…"you've got to be kidding me" Squall said backing away from the spirit

"You seem scared" the girl said simply "Don't be scared"

"you're not real…I have to be dreaming again"

"After everything you've seen, all that you have been through, do you still refuse to believe in anything that can not be totally proven?"

"This is crazy…"  
"Love can not be proven, is that why you are trying to turn your back on it?"

"W-what?" Squall stuttered. He could hardly believe what was going on, this was all so unreal.

"I am here for a reason Squall, this is real. As I told you, I am the ghost of Christmas past and I am here to show you, to teach you. But I can not teach if you do not want to learn. Do you want to learn Squall?"

"I…I…what are you going to show me?"

"Your past. A great deal has happened to you Squall, you have been through so much. I want to show you your past, show you how it has affected the present." the girl extended her hand "Come with me Squall"

Squall shook his head "N-no, this is too weird"

The young girl giggled, an innocent child like smile appearing on her features "Surely the great warrior and commander Squall Leonhart is not afraid of a little girl…or are you afraid of what you might learn?"

Reluctantly, Squall took the girls hand, still unsure as to whether any of this could actually be real. The young girl smiled again and suddenly there was a flash of light all around them as they were enveloped in a cold wind. Squall closed his eyes to shield them from the blinding light and when he opened them again he was in a completely different place. It was a large, stone room with grey walls and floors and weak sunlight was shining in through the windows. The place was oddly familiar, but Squall couldn't place why.

"W-were are we?"

"You'll see" the girl said, letting go of Squalls hand.

Suddenly the scene began to change as the wispy outlines of children appeared. Once the forms became clear Squall instantly knew were they were

"We're…we're at the orphanage?" Squall asked confusedly

The girl nodded and then pointed towards the door way as a child ran in, a little boy chased by a girl slightly older. The boy was young, 5 or 6, and had light brown hair and was wearing an orange striped t-shirt.

"look familiar" the spirit said to Squall

"is…is that me?" Squall asked disbelievingly.

The little girl nodded and then turned to watch the scene in front of them

"_You're not going to get me! I 'm too quick for you elle!" the little boy said running around the room "you can't catch me !"_

"_bet I can" the girl said with a giggle starting to run a little faster._

_Suddenly another child came running into the room. He was another little boy, with blonde hair wearing a shirt and shorts._

"Zell?" Squall asked the spirit "is that Zell?"

"Yes, it is. Do you remember this Squall?"

Squall shook his head. It was only about last year that he had discovered he was in an orphanage with Zell, Quistis, Irvine and Selphie and that was hazy. He had very few memories of his days there.

"_Heya! What's going on?" little Zell asked curiously _

"_I'm playing chase with Sis, but she cant catch me, I'm too quick for her" little Squall said grinning_

"_hey, can I play too?" Zell asked_

"_Yep. I bet she cant catch you either" Squall laughed_

"I don't remember ever being this…happy" Squall said

"nope, it all changed sadly" the girl said. As she said it, the scene around them changed. It was the same room, but it was dark and empty now and the rain could be heard splattering on the stone outside.

_Suddenly a tall, elegant woman with long dark hair walked in to the room looking frantic and worried. "He isn't in here either" she whispered sadly to herself, before turning to the corner of the room exactly where Squall was standing_

"Can she see us?" Squall asked

"No" the girl shook her head "We are merely watching a scene that unfolded many years ago, we are visitors to the memory, nothing can be changed by our presence, we can not be seen"

"Who is matron looking for?"

"Who do you think. Come with me" the girl lead Squall through the door at the side of the room that lead outside to an area with some bushes and trees. Rain was falling heavily all around Squall, but he could not feel it. This was completely surreal to him.

The girl lifted her hand and pointed again, this time to one of the low bushes. The same small child, squall himself as a small child was crouched there, behind the leaves.

"what am I doing?'' Squall asked

"Go and see for yourself" the girl said

Squall walked over and crouched next to the child, and could hear him whispering softly to himself

"_Sis, Elle, why did you go away? don't you like me anymore sis? What did I do wrong? I'm…not gonna let matron find me, I'm not going back inside untill you come back sis, I miss you"_

"This is truly pathetic" Squall said shaking his head "**I **was pathetic"

"Were you?" the girl asked "is it pathetic not to want to be alone?"

"I..I don't know"

"But you were always alone after Ellone left, weren't you Squall"

Squall shrugged

"Let me show you" the girl said, leading Squall back inside the building.

Squall was starting to get a major headache. It was almost impossible that any of this was real, spirits and messages, but then again he was being shown so many things from his past that even he could not remember.

"this is one month later" the girl said, gesturing to the room, which was now full of children once again.

Squall saw himself sitting alone in the corner of the room.

"_Hey Squally" said a little brunette girl running over to him "Quisty and Irvy and me are all playing outside! You wanna play too?"_

_Little Squall shook his head "No"_

"Quistis, Selphie, Irvine. They were all here" Squall said recognising the children

"Yes. But you were never really friends with them. Even back then you were always alone. And of course, gradually, one by one, everyone started to disappear-they were all adopted, taken all across the countries. And then you really were alone."

Once again Squall witnessed the scene change. The other children faded away and he was left there alone

"_Sis, you're still not here. I'm all alone. But…but I'll make it by myself, I'll be strong, I'll be okay by myself…I will"_

"Why are you showing me this?"

"Squall, this made you who you are, or at least part of who you are. The part of you that keeps telling yourself its better to be alone, the part of you that restrains you from sharing your feelings, the part of you that you behind, the part of you people call cold, all that started here Squall. You loved Ellone and she disappeared, and then everyone else did too. After that you started wanting to be alone, you closed your heart off, refused to let anyone in.. you were afraid to let people in, so you covered it by saying you'd rather be alone"

"I was…I was such a miserable child. I remember now, even when I joined Garden I was always alone. I never made friends, never tried too. But I think that was for the best. What am I supposed to be learning from all this?"

"I want you to see. I want you to see why you are who you are. What it was that made you afraid to let people in. It is much as a problem now as it was then Squall, you can not live this way. I am showing you the past so you understand. You can not change your ways if you do not understand them."

"I…I cant change" Squall said shaking his head, he was realising all these things about himself for the first time "I've always been this way. Now I know why. I tried to change. I tried and I failed. It's just not possible. Is that what you wanted me to learn?"

"No Squall, of course not. I wanted you to realise that that is what you subconsciously tell yourself, and I want you to see why. And I want you to see change is possible."

The spirit girl lead Squall outside once again, but the building behind them now looked very different. It was collapsed, uncared for and old.

"this is something I'm sure you will remember. Go on" The girl pointed to the flowers growing behind the 2 pillars. Moving slightly closer, Squall instantly recognised the scene in front of him. He saw himself standing with Rinoa, just over a year ago.

"Rinoa…" Squall said

The child looked up and smiled at him, with that innocent childlike smile "She's very pretty"

"I know…she's amazing" Squall said quietly as he watched the familiar scene unfold

"_I'll be here"_

"_why?"_

"_I'll be waiting here."_

"_for what?" _

"_I'll be waiting for you. So if you come here. You'll find me, I promise."_

"See Squall? Do you see the difference? you did change. In this moment you were open, you were honest. You let her in"

"I guess I did. But somehow, I changed back…started pushing her away again" Squall said slowly. This was all so confusing. He was realising so much about himself that he had never thought of before. But mostly it was all questions and no answers.

"I understand what you mean. This moment was perfect, but in everything that followed it you put your guard up again. I have one more thing to show you which may help you piece together why."

There was a flash of blue light and the scene changed again to one that immediately turned his blood cold. Time compression.

"N-not this" he said "I don't wanna remember this…it was hell"

"I know. But why was it hell? Because you couldn't be with her, you couldn't find her. You let your guard down, let her in your heart and this is what happened. You let the doubt creep in again, the doubt and the fear."

"I guess…I guess when I found her I thought all that went away. But you're right, its been creeping back in. I saw her everyday after then and something inside was telling me that it could be every day could be the last day I saw her, the day I lost her. I think…I think I thought keeping her away would make all that easier."

The little girl gave a childish giggle "You finally get it!"

"Yeh..but still, it was all for the best. It's better to prepared for that kind of loss…"

The girl shook her head "Is it Squall? I don't expect you to learn everything from the past, I merely wanted to prepare you for what the rest of the night will show you"

There was another blue, blinding light and when it died away Squall found himself back in the office.

"there. That wasn't so bad now was it?"

"it was…"

"Don't analyse it Squall. Just feel it. And I have one more thing to tell you: the past is the past" the girl said as the outlines of her started to blur and fade "it brings you to the present, but it does not have to define it"

And with another flourish of lights, the girl disappeared.

Squall was left alone in the silence of the office, his head spinning.

But before he had time to really get his head around any of what had happened, the clock chimed again……….

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**Well there we have squalls past courtesy of the ghost of Christmas past. Hope people all liked the chapter and next chapter (if people want me to continue) we meet the ghost of Christmas present….. Let me know what you think of the chapter. Thanks guys xx **


	3. the ghost of christmas present

**Disclaimer: I still don't own ff8. It belongs to square enix. I wish I owned it, but nope I don't. Ditto the Christmas carol concept or Christmas itself. Sadly.**

**A/N: Heya! Heres another chapter. I am determined I will get this done before Christmas and I am aiming for before the end of the week. I just want to say I know my ghosts are slightly different than those in the original but there has been many versions and this is just mine. Thanks to my lovely reviewers, r, crazy turkey, deceitful sorceress, the wonderful nobody, lilnaych, draven nightly and zellycat. Christmas cookies to ya. Hope you all enjoy the chapter and merry Christmas! **

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With the chiming, another strange glow filled the office. This time it was a red glow filling the room and reflecting off all the surfaces. The whips of red danced around the air before bouncing together to form the outline of a person. As the smoke faded away, the figure became more clear and standing amongst the remaining colourful wisps was a young woman, wearing a colourful party dress with a string of tinsel wrapped around her neck. She must have been young, not much older than Squall himself.

"I" the young woman said with a twirl "Am the ghost of Christmas present!"

Squall just stared at the form in front of him. This was a spirit guide? It didn't seem much like one to him, in a way it sort of reminded him of Selphie.

"..okay" he said slowly

She stuck out her hand "Well lets go then!"

Squall just carried on staring at the spirit. This night was getting more and more surreal.

"c'mon I don't have all night!" the spirit protested "it's Christmas! Not that you'd know it in here" she said glancing around the office

"What am I supposed to learn from you, don't I already know what's going on in the present, why do you need to show me that?"

"hmmm" the spirit said "I figured you'd be smarter than this. I'm not going to show you your present obviously! Now lets go!"

Squall took the outstretched hand of the spirit and once again was surrounded by the supernatural glow that had brought the spirit. When the lights died away Squall found himself in a very familiar place, it was the cafeteria of Balamb Garden.

There appeared to be some kind of large party going on, all the students were cheerfully dancing, laughing and having fun in the festively decorated room.

"What the…" Squall said in shock

"Didn't you know about this?"

"No, I didn't. it's way past curfew all these people should be…"

The spirit laughed "Ever the commander I see. This is your friend Selphies party, it's a Christmas party. You're the only person in the whole of Garden who didn't even go for a little bit."

"Probably because I didn't know about it"

"Why do you think that is Squall? You'd probably just have told Zell to cancel it."

"There SeeDs, there supposed to be professional" Squall grumbled

"That's what you just don't get. Yes, they are SeeDs, but there teenagers too, and so are you Squall. But you never act like one do you? Granted, you haven't had the most normal of lives, but that doesn't mean you should never be happy does it. Take a look around, see how happy everyone else is. Zell, Selphie, Quistis and Irvine they all went through what you did too, but they are all here."

Squall looked around the room and he first spotted Zell. He was sitting at a large table surrounded by lots of other people and was grinning at the huge plate of hotdogs in front of him

"typical Zell" Squall sighed "Food always makes him happy"

"At least something makes him happy, at least he's not sitting all alone working. Same with the others"

The spirit pointed across the room to were Selphie and Irvine were, standing next to the giant Christmas tree. Selphie was wearing a Christmas hat and Irvine had a string of tinsel around the rim of his cowboy hat.

"Please tell me!" Selphie was saying jumping up and down on the spot "Please please please?"

Irvine shook his head and laughed "Nuh-uh. You'll have to wait and see"

"Please!" Selphie protested. But Irvine just kept shaking his head.

Squall watched as Quistis wandered over "Hey you two, what's going on?"

Selphie pouted "Irvy wont tell me what he's got me for Christmas. He says I have to wait and see"

Quistis gave a little laugh "Well it's not that long to wait Selph"

"That's what he said!" Selphie said crossing her arms

"Everyone's just so…happy" Squall said

"Yep, pretty much. Except you, you're not happy are you?"

"I…I guess not" Squall admitted "but, I still don't see what I am supposed to be learning really."

"you've seen your past, and this is how its affected the present. You're afraid to let people in, you know that and you know why. But your not just afraid of that, your afraid of any small amount of happiness."

"I'm not afraid to be happy…" Squall said.

"Then why do you make yourself so miserable. Don't you want to be happy?"

"Happiness never lasts"

The spirit nodded "There you go. That's why you wont let yourself be happy. You're right, happiness doesn't last forever, but nothing does Squall. Eventually everything disappears, even life itself, but wouldn't you rather live a life of happiness, than a miserable one?"

"I…" Squall was confused. When it was put that way, it started to seem more and more true that he was making himself miserable, he did have the opportunity not to be, but he wouldn't let himself.

"I…make myself miserable" he admitted slowly

"You do, that's what you need to learn. That and one other thing"

"What?"

"you don't just control your own happiness, you don't just make yourself unhappy"

The spirit took Squalls hand and there was another flash of bright glowing light which faded away to reveal another scene. It was Squalls dorm room that he shared with Rinoa . The scene came into focus and Squall saw something that made him feel incredible guilt.

Rinoa. She was lying on the bed, curled up into a little ball crying. Her tears had stained her face and her sobs were causing her to shake.

"I did this to her didn't I?" Squall asked, already knowing the answer

"Yes, you did. You refused to let yourself be happy, you refused to let her know she made you happy. And look what you did by that"

"But I can't tell her, I can't tell her how happy she makes me"

"Why. You know she does"

"No, if I tell her, it's just going to make it harder when this all goes wrong. If I tell her, and then sometime she leaves….."

"I understand. But that's why I brought you here. I want you to see something"

Squall watched as Rinoa sat up, wiped the tears from her eyes and got up from the bed. Opening the wardrobe in their room she reached up and grabbed a large bag then started pulling clothes from the hangers and shoving them into her bag.

"What is she doing?" Squall asked being overcome by worry

"isn't it obvious?"

"She's…she's leaving me?"

"Looks like it. But isn't that what you wanted?"

"No! I don't want her to leave me…"

"Do you think she knows that. You keep pushing her away, do you really think theres any other conclusion she could come to?"

"She should know that…that I love her"

"Have you ever told her that. Ever told her you need her, ever told her how you feel. No you haven't because you were worried that you'd get too hurt if she ever left. You never thought that..."

"...that I was hurting her. And that she's going to leave anyway, because I never told her"

"Exactly."

"but, this just proves I was right. Happiness never lasts, I mean shes leaving me, it's a good job I didn't tell her how I felt. Maybe this is just how is was meant to be" Squalls thoughts were completely muddled, all this was way too much for him.

"you don't believe that. Whether you know it yet or not, you don't. But I think you've learnt all you can from this, the past affects the present and the present makes the future, maybe that's what it will take to make you see"

The spirit waved her hand, summoning the strange glow again which transported them back to the office.

"You have only now what is yet to come to see, then you make your decisions. Maybe then you will see what you think now is the right thing, can bring the most terribly wrong futures. Good luck Squall"

The girl faded away with the flourish of lights and once again Squall was alone. He was completely confused now, he had no idea anymore what he was supposed to be learning. Rinoa was going to leave him, it seemed the simple solution would be to go and stop her, but something was still holding him back. There was still that voice telling him to keep it inside. Hadn't what he just seen proved that right? It was all going wrong. Or was it because of that it was going wrong?

Before Squall had a chance to really come up with any answer, the clock gave another loud chime and something happened that had not happened previously, the lights in the room went out and a deathly cold wind blew through the office……..

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**Well there we go, another chapter. I hope you liked it. Squall really can be clueless sometimes can't he. Well I will update if anybody wants me to. And the ending of that chapter leads into the next one, because the ghost of Christmas future is always really really scary. But yes please review and let me know what you think. xx**


	4. the ghost of christmas yet to be

**Disclaimer: don't own ff8, Christmas carol concept or Christmas. Again I say sadly.**

**A/N: well second to last chapter here and time for the creepy ghost of Christmas yet to come. And it is kinda creepy. Thanks to all my lovely reviewers of the last chapter draven nightly, zellycat, r, crazy turkey, lilnaych, deceitful sorceress and sayuri21, you guys rock! merry Christmas and enjoy the chapter!**

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The chilling wind eventually subsided and the office lights flickered back on. And the figure now standing in front of Squall was one of the most terrifying things he had ever seen. It was a tall, hunched over figure completely covered by a black hooded robe. The sound of its low raspy breathing echoed through the room, but it did not speak at all. It just stood there. Squall stared in disbelief and slight fear for a minute. This spirit was so different to the others had been, it seemed menacing, dangerous.

"So…you're the ghost of Christmas future right?"

The spirit did not respond, it just simply stood there, the low raspy breathing continuing. It stretched out a hand from underneath its rob and that increased the terror of the spirits form. Its arm was thin, pale, almost skeletal with long claw like fingers. No way was Squall going anywhere with this…thing. It terrified him, and that was a lot-Squall didn't exactly scare easily. But this spirit just had an air of doom about it. Unfortunately Squall did not have much of a choice as another cold wind swept through, once again depriving the room of all light, and when it became light again, Squall found himself in a different place completely. He was in a house, with warmly coloured walls, a typical homely fireplace and massive of festive decorations. Was this his future? It was certainly not what he had ever imagined his life being.

"Is this my life, in the future?" he asked the spirit form, still slightly unnerved by all of this. Once again the spirit did not answer and pointed its long, skeletal arm to the scene in front of him.

Squall watched as a dark haired woman entered the house from the front door. Was that…Rinoa? Squall blinked his eyes a few times and saw that it was definitely her. Judging by the way she looked, he guessed this must have been 5 or so years into the future. Her face was not as round and her hair was much much longer but she did not look much different. She still had the same sparkle in her eyes and that same captivating smile.

"Honey, I'm home" she called, standing a wet umbrella next to the door and placing the shopping she was holding down on the floor. A few seconds later another person came into the scene. It was someone Squall had never seen in his life. He was a tall man, with deep black hair in a long ponytail and very green eyes. He walked over to Rinoa and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

"What the hell?" Squall cried, the immediate thought entering his head being _'why on Hynes earth is this guy kissing my girl??'_. But suddenly something occurred to him. This was the future and in the future she obviously wasn't his girl anymore.

Looking closer at the scene, Squall noticed the silver band on Rinoas finger. She was married? Something suddenly caused Squalls heart to ache. Their future really wasn't together? She moved on, got married, forgot about him.

"This…this is horrible" Squall said slowly "Why are you doing this"

But once again the ghost did not respond.

"She loves someone else? Is this…is this because of something I did?" Squall muttered to himself, realising this spirit was going to give him no help or guidance at all. He had to figure this out on his own. "..or was it something I didn't do…because I didn't tell her how I felt". Squall didn't really know, but what he did know was that seeing this was causing him pain, actual pain.

"I don't want to see anymore of this. If you have anything else to show me, then show me now. What about my future"

Not surprisingly, the spirit did not respond it turned to look at Squall for a few seconds but its face was hidden. After a few seconds Squall felt the cold wind again and prepared himself to see the next scene he was to be shown. But nothing could have prepared him for what it actually was.

He found himself standing in a rainy cemetery, lines and lines of graves in deep green grass. And directly in front of him was his grave.

"H-how far into the future is this" Squall asked suddenly feeling very uneasy.

Again the spirit outstretched its long arm, pointing its bony finger at the grave.

Starting to tremble slightly Squall knelt down and rubbed some of the mud and grass away from the grave allowing him to see the dates on it. And when he saw them, he wished he had not. The date given of his death was in 10 years!

"10 years" Squall muttered to himself fearfully, stumbling back from the grave "I'm dead in 10 years?"

10 years. Squall couldn't believe it. 10 years. He'd still be young then. So now he knew he was going to die young.

"is this a punishment, dieing young. Is it a punishment for the way I lived my life. Or did I even live it…I was never happy, I was never nice. Was anyone's life different when I was alive or are people better off without me. Do people even care?"

The ghost raised its arm again and pointed further into the distance. Squall looked up and saw a harrowing scene in front of him. His own funeral. The day was bleak and windy and the priest was talking about how Squall was 'a great leader' but what disturbed Squall the most was how many people were at the funeral. Rinoa was there, but with someone else, the same man he had seen before in the other vision, meaning she had moved on long before he died. And she wasn't even crying, just staring blankly ahead. Quistis and Zell were sitting on the front row, along with Cid and Edea and some other people from Garden. No Selphie or Irvine. Not even Laguna. Then again, Squall realised that he hadn't contact with Laguna in the last year so he probably didn't anytime in the future. Maybe Laguna didn't even know he was dead. Maybe he just didn't care. This was well and truly torturous to Squall. Was he that horrible to people that they didn't even care he was gone? Had people even noticed he was gone.? And was all this because of what he was doing now. Avoiding Laguna, pushing away his friends and refusing to admit how he felt about Rinoa, is that what all this would lead to?

"No!" Squall said standing up suddenly "I don't want this! I don't want this to be my life. Take me back"

Althought the spirit did again not speak, it responded by shaking its head slowly

"Please. I have to go back" Squall could feel the tears starting to form in his eyes "I have to go back and change things. I have to stop this! I don't want this to be my future I want to live, I want to be happy. I can change, I can change things if I go back. I will change!"

The ghost nodded slowly and Squall felt the cold wind about him. Then he suddenly realised what the point of it all had been. He needed to see what he had finally just see. He needed to want to change and know what to change.

With a flash of light Squall found himself back in his office. After a few seconds the spirit faded away. Squall just stood there completely confused. He needed to change he knew that now. He heard the clock chime and glanced upwards. Midnight? It was midnight again? Had any of that been real? Had it all just been a very strange dream. Regardless of that, still haunted by what he had seen of his doomed future he knew he had to change things. And he knew he had to start right now, and he had to start with Rinoa….

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**Well there we go go! I hope you all liked the chapter. I know I keep updating this kind of fast, but I really do need to get it done by Saturday at the latest so the next chapter will be up in a few days too. The next chapter is the last chapter. But please review and lemme know what you think of this one. Peace, light and Christmas cheer xx**


	5. merry christmas?

**Disclaimer: Still don't own ff8 ya know**

**A/N: well this is the last chapter of this so it is out the way and complete before Christmas and it was intended as a short story. Many thanks to all those who have reviewed any of the chapters of this story Zellycat, crazyturkey, sion 0083, draven nightly, r, lilnaych, RinNoMiko, cerulean crystal, sayuri21, the fluff, the wonderful nobody, ishin shishi, deceitful sorceress, SJsilver and escachick357. You guys all rock socks! Enjoy the final chapter and let me know what you think. And merry Christmas**

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If what Squall thought he knew was in fact true, then Rinoa must have been in the dorm room. He ran from his office and headed to the dorm as quickly as he possibly could. The hallways were completely empty-everyone was probably in their own dorms, or at this party that was supposedly happening. But he didn't really care where anyone else was, he just kept silently praying that Rinoa was in the room. When he finally made it there, he took one slow deep breath before knocking on the door. He would have just walked in without knocking, had he not left his keys in the office.

"Um yeh" Rinoa called between stifled sobs "who is it"

It would be relatively obvious to anyone from her voice that she had been crying. A lot.

"It's Squall"

"W-what do you want?"

"Let me in"

Squall heard the locks on the door being undone and then the door slowly opened, revealing Rinoa and her tear stained face. As soon as he saw her a huge feeling of relief shot through his body. She wasn't gone yet which meant he still had a chance, a chance to stop her leaving which would hopefully stop the dreadful future he had seen. He immediately pulled her close to him and hugged her, but after a few seconds she broke out of his arms and turned her back on him "I'm…I'm leaving Squall"

"Rinoa, you can't leave. Look for everything I've done I'm sorry. We just need to try again." Squall could feel the tears that were stinging behind his eyes escaping and falling down his cheeks. Damn. He'd never cried before, at least not in front of anyone. Especially not Rinoa, he was supposed to be her knight, her hero he was the supposed to be the strong one of the two. Or was it that that had got him to this place, maybe silence didn't necessarily equal strength. He couldn't help but cry this time. What he had just seen had been so horrible and he could see how exactly it would happen if he didn't stop her leaving now.

"Squall" she said tearfully "We've been through this again and again and you always say your sorry but things never change. And I'm not going to ask you to change it isn't fair. But I cant go on this way…"

"Rinoa" Squall said pleadingly and desperately "I will change, I can change"  
"no Squall, you're just who you are. And I don't think the person you are loves me. So I have to go now."

"No…" Squall dropped to his knees, the emotion of the night completely taking over. No you cant go. I'm begging you Rinoa, just give me one more chance, just one more"

"Squall, this wont be any different to the other times. Maybe were just not right, and it kills me because I thought we were but you want to be alone Squall and you know that"

"No. I don't want to be alone anymore. I've seen my future and its not good Rinoa, it's awful"

"Squall what are you talking about?"

"My future. It's all being decided now and now has all been set up by my past, but I want to make my own future from now. And it has to be with you. So I need a chance, I need the chance to tell you…to tell you I love you and I need you. And…and I need you to know that I've loved you for so long and I've wanted to tell you but I just couldn't. But I should have told you every day, but I'm telling you know Rinoa I love you, I could said it a thousand times and if that's what it takes to convince you then that's what I'll do…I love you, I love you…"

Rinoa just looked completely speechless "I…I…why did you never tell me"

" I was afraid Rinoa, I was afraid of letting myself be happy because I was afraid it wouldn't last and I wouldn't let you in or tell you how I felt because I was afraid of being weak. I was afraid of what would happen if you ever left, but I was being blind, I couldn't see that if I didn't tell you then you would leave anyway, and I'm so sorry. And if I let you go you'll…you'll leave and you'll move on and find someone else"

Squall felt more tears flow as he relived in his head what he had seen. "And you'll find someone who…"

Rinoa dropped down on to her knees so she was face to face with squall and placed one hand on the side of his face "Squall, I will never love anyone as much as I love you, I just need to be sure that this is what you want and that it will last. I just need to be sure I'm what you want"

"More than anything. Give me this chance Rinoa, give me this chance and I'll never leave you. Please…"

Rinoa leaned in and kissed him softly "I'll stay" she whispered "I love you"

Squall was so relieved and happy. He had told her how he felt and hopefully secured some sort of change to his future. But more importantly seeing how happy what he had said had made her made it all worthwhile. As he pulled her into a long deep kiss he silently promised himself that he wouldn't let himself return to the way he was.

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The next morning Squall was awoken by the sound of Rinoa repeatedly saying his name.

"What" he said sleepily "what is it"

"look, look!" she said excitedly "look out of the window"

Squall sat up and rubbed his eyes a few times before calling the covers back and walking over to the window. Looking outside he saw that everything was completely covered in white fluffy snow

"it's snowing!" Rinoa squealed behind him "it's so pretty"

In the whole time Squall had lived in Balamb, it had never ever snowed. So he actually found this pretty cool.

"hey Squall" Rinoa asked, coming and standing next to him "Are you working today?"

"No. Definitely not"

"Really" Rinoa asked, sounding surprised

"Well, it is Christmas" he said putting his arms around her shoulder "So I want to spend the day with you"

And he did, he spent the whole day with her. Well, her and Zell and Quistis Selphie and Irvine. They all had Christmas dinner together, exchanged presents and went for a walk in the snow, then they had a sort of party. The most humorous part of which was when Zell got highly drunk and started arguing with Irvine over why he wore a cowboy hat. Then this party some how worked its way outside and turned into a huge snowball fight in which most people decided to gang up on Zell and cover him in white icy snow.

By the time Squall and Rinoa actually got back to their dorm it was nearly midnight.

"I'm so tired" Rinoa yawned flopping down onto the bed

"me too" Squall sighed lying down next to her and wrapping his arms around her. He glanced at the clock, it was about 1 minute until midnight

"Hey Rinoa" he said softy "Merry Christmas"

"Yeh. It was the best ever. Merry Christmas Squall" Rinoa said happily before drifting off to sleep in his arms. Before he closed his eyes himself he watched the clock tick its way to midnight. And when it did, and the day was over Squall felt deep inside his heart that he had changed his future, he had stopped all the horrible things he had seen from happening.

And as weird as it all had been, that night and every other night after that ,Squall silently thanked the stars for what had happened and what he was shown that Christmas eve night. Because regardless of whether it was dream or reality, it had changed his life, saved his love and given him the chance for the type of future that deep down he knew he had always wanted. A happy one, spent with the one person he loved, the one person who made him happier than he ever thought he could be.

**Xxx the end xxX**

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**Thanks for reading let me know if you liked it. **

**Merry Christmas everyone!**


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